When I got the call from my sister Lisa that our mother had died, I had just been being hugged by Marilyn Manson at a Dita Von Teese TASCHEN booksigning. I felt almost nothing about either. One because I wasn't close to him and the other, because I knew her SO well. My mother and I had had 60 years to enjouy or not each other;s company and I was grateful for having that time.
The loss of Carlos Batts is different from Marilyn Manson and my mother. He and I were very close because we travelled the same imaginary road and were rich as we both felt from our friendship. I would have welcomed more and more.
I write this to justify my photographing his viewing and funeral. The outpouring, the visible love 4 Carlos and 4 Lillian, the sorrow that rested uneasily on so many faces, I put here to remind people and myself to live each day as though it were our last.
Losing Carlos is like when the few women I truly loved in my life...walked out of my life. And through the pain and the permanent separation from what we had had...there would always be the underlying LOVE. She never stopped loving me. I never stopped loving her. We were just no longer able to do life together. Same goes for Carlos and me. Or is it Carlos and I?
Love you Lillian. You and your family and Carlos' brothers and parents rocked that cemetery on a lovely November weekend in 2013.
`If you feel...you heal'.
the viewing Friday nite
the Saturday burial